What Do I Do With My Picky Eater?

What Do I Do With My Picky Eater?

When parents first start my class, they ask, "How do I GET my kids to...?" And I answer, "I don't know how to GET your kids to do anything." Besides, that isn't the problem. You already know 100s of ways to GET your children to do what you want. The problem is, the problem returns. The next day you are back at it. The only thing this breeds is exhaustion on the parents' part and frustration on the child's part.

With that said, I think the question of, "What do I do with my picky eater?" is at the top of the list for most parents of small children.

For help on the nutrition end of this topic, I went straight to Dietitian Amy Rice and together we came up with the following "guidelines" for navigating your children through the murky waters of picky eating.

Concerned parents often ask, "How can I get my child to eat vegetables?"

Unfortunately, they are asking the wrong question. The question that should be asked is "How can I teach my child good nutrition?" The answer to that question is a lot harder than hiding vegetables in spaghetti sauce. As in other areas of parenting, it is important to give the child structured independence, so that they can develop a healthy relationship with food.

The key to feeding your child is to first understand the division of responsibility. It is the parent's job to choose the healthy food, and it is the child's job to decide how much they are going to eat. They may eat it all or not a single bite. It is their choice. You have done your job by providing them with a healthy meal.

1. Serve one meal for the entire family. Avoid catering. You are not a short-order cook, so don't make different foods for each person. The whole family is offered the food you make for each meal. Giving in to the picky-eater's demands only strengthens their pickiness.
2. Serve at least one healthy food you know your child likes at each meal. Do not worry if your child decides against eating anything for a meal or snack. The routine of meals and snacks lets both you and your child know that another opportunity to eat will come in a few hours, even if it is from dinner until breakfast.
3. Be Sweden-stay neutral. Regardless of what your child does or does not eat, try not to worry. Keep your reactions and responses as neutral as possible. For example, praising children for cleaning their plates does not teach them to listen to their personal hunger cues about when they are full. It can also create unhealthy emotional connections with food.
4. Avoid rewarding for healthy eating and bribing to try new foods. When dessert is used as a reward for, say, trying a new vegetable at dinner, the dessert becomes a thing of value. Kids learn that a sweet food is better than a healthy one. Instead of using food as a reward or bribes, ask your child to taste the new food and keep serving it until it becomes familiar.

How do you teach nutrition and foster healthy eating habits?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Turn the TV off for meals and snacks. Not only does watching TV while eating promote mindless overeating, but most food-related commercials draw kids toward unhealthy choices.
2. Cooking and eating together is the best way to teach kids healthy eating habits. Kids need meal routines, just like they need bedtime routines. Let your child help prepare meals. Eat sitting together at the table. Turn off the TV, put the toys away and talk as a family.
3. Do what you say-eat your vegetables. Children learn by watching the people around them, and your food choices will influence theirs.
4. Buy healthy foods at the grocery store. If unhealthy foods aren't in the house, your child can't eat them.

Picky eating is like a lot of other "problems" we encounter with our small children. So much of the behavior you view as problematic is about your children wanting control over their own lives, and I think you will find that creating healthy routines and relinquishing some of the control to them will bring you much further toward eliminating the problems than you ever thought possible.

The bottom line with your picky eater is, relax-and let your child have some say in what he or she will and won't eat. Besides, they have a whole lifetime to get into those brussels sprouts.

For more information on this topic, you can check out "Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter, a Registered Dietitian and internationally recognized expert on pediatric nutrition.

Many thanks to Amy Rice for her contribution to this article.